How to Talk Dirty: Your Ultimate Guide to Perfecting the Art of Dirty Chat

by Lovehoney

on Dec 14, 2021

Wanna try talking dirty to your lover, but always end up tongue-tied or freaking out? Leave that life behind and read this guide to pick up the ultimate tips and tricks for dirty texts, dirty dares and dirty chat that'll have you both feeling hot under the collar.


Dirty chat has a bit of a bad rep, and that's not something we're willing to let stand. Dirty chat is a pretty great way to spice up your relationship AND tell your partner exactly what it is you like. Anything more communication is A+ by us.

If you're keen to crank things up a knotch or are looking for some dirty things to whisper between the sheets, you've come to the right place.

Don't worry if it's a little daunting initially. Once you get into the swing of things, you'll be talking dirty ideas and sending freaky texts while your lover is in the office. Meow.

Why try dirty chat?

There are plenty of reasons to give dirty chat a try - both inside and outside the bedroom.

First of all, it can help heighten sexual tension and get you in the mood for love, as well as help to relax you. If you're trying some in bed with your partner, talking about dirty ideas out loud can naturally lead to foreplay, touching and teasing. It may even make sex more passionate and exciting, so what's not to love?!

Alternately, if you're stuck doing the long-distance thing or living apart from your partner and want to keep the spark alive, you definitely want to try sending some dirty text messages. It'll drive them crazy!

You could also try Facetiming your partter or giving them a salacious phone call. Just grab your favourite sex toys, dim the lights and lube up. Park your inhibitions at the door and get ready to dive into the dirty dares like removing an item of clothing or doing whatever your partner tells you to do.

How to talk dirty: dos and don’ts

Dirty talk can be a lot of fun, but before you start, it’s important to introduce some ground rules and discuss expectations.

First things first, chat with your partner and check that dirty talk is something they’re open to trying too. You never know: they might be interested but nervous to broach the subject... or they might completely hate the idea. It’s always a good thing to check beforehand.

Once you’re ready to give dirty talk a go, check out these tips and tricks for doing the dirty (in a good way!)

1. Do: Agree on some ground rules

Before experimenting with talking dirty or dirty texts, it’s important to establish any limits your partner might have or any topics they’d rather avoid. That way, you can both go into it feeling as comfortable as possible.

Equally, if either of you find it too much at any point, it’s fine to dial it back a bit and take a break. It’s not for everyone, and once you get started you may find it’s not for you.

2. Do: Discover what they like

Part of the fun of dirty chat is getting your honey all worked up, and that means finding out what they like and what turns them on.

Whether it’s a secret threesome fantasy that’ll drive them wild or telling them how to use a new sex toy on you, play on it, and expect things to heat up very quickly!

3. Do: Tell them how turned on you are

If you’re enjoying it, let your partner know!

After all, there’s nothing hotter than knowing your other half is aroused by the things you’re saying and doing...

4. Do: Tell them what you want to do to them (and vice versa!)

If you’re struggling to think of dirty things to say, it can be mutually exciting to tell your partner exactly what you want them to do to you.

Start off slow with things like kisses, strokes and touches, before getting into the truly naughty details…

As long as your lover’s comfortable, open-minded and keen to hear your desires, you can take your dirty chat anywhere you want it to go.

5. Do: Try some dirty dares

If you’re planning a date night at home, or over the phone, why not try out some dirty dares?

Agree on some naughty forfeits beforehand (like taking off an item of clothing) or involve toys like blindfolds and handcuffs to really heat it up.

If you’re all out of ideas for dares, have some fun with these naughty dice.

6. Do: Relax and have fun with it!

Try not to overthink it. Talking dirty should be a fun experience for both of you. There’s no need to pre-plan it too much either. Just go with the flow.

7. Don’t: judge them

If you’ve decided to explore dirty chat with your partner, it’s important to stay open-minded. If they end up saying something you weren’t expecting, don’t laugh at them and try not to judge them.

Being open and honest with your partner and willing to listen to their desires will only make your bond as a couple stronger.

8. Don’t: Get pushy

Equally, don’t be pushy with your partner. If the chat is heating up and getting kinky, but they’re looking put off or freaked out, it's a good idea to tone it down a little or focus on something else.

Sex where only one person is having fun is not good sex.

9. Don’t: Comment negatively on specifics

Avoid commenting on things like your partner’s shape or size. Your lover may have insecurities you aren’t even aware of, so it’s generally best to stick to positive comments and compliments.

10. Don’t: Feel pressured

Try not to put pressure on yourselves. Remember, it should be fun! If it leads to foreplay and sex, great, if not, don’t stress.

The more you do it, the more naturally talking dirty will come. You’ll be an expert in dirty chat before you know it!

Our favorite dirty talk phrases

Looking for ideas of sexy texts to send to your lover, or want to know what to say during sex? Turn to our list and get stuck in!

“How do you want me to touch you?”

“How do you want me to kiss you?”

“I love that look you give me when you’re thinking something naughty?”

“Undress me slowly.”

“I want to tell you a fantasy of mine…”

“Let’s make love slowly.”

“I want to taste you.”

“You have such a perfect… .”

“I want you to play with yourself while I watch.”

“How many times do you think I can make you come?”

“Lick me. Taste me. Fuck me.”

“Get on your hands and knees and wait.”

“I want to hear you beg.”

“I want you to come all over my… .”

“What do you enjoy most about us having sex?”

“Fuck me however you want to.”

“Let me look at you.”

“I want you to feel how wet/hard you make me.”

“I love how you sound when you come. Can you come for me?”

“I want to feel you inside me.” or “I want to be inside you.”

Looking for more dirty chat inspo?

Have a look at team Lovehoney challenging themselves to talk dirty in silly accents without laughing…

Our favourite dirty chat games and dares


Written by Lovehoney. For collaborative posts between Lovehoney team members and guest authors
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Originally published on Dec 14, 2021. Updated on Dec 16, 2021