Sex Talk 101: Ten Things You Should (and Shouldn't) Say During Sex
on Feb 14, 2022
Class is in session.
Sex talk can feel pretty unnatural when you haven’t been doing it for long but the good news is, like many skills, it can be learned. Take notes, but don’t take them into the bedroom with you - that’s also a no-no.
Whether you have a knack for blurting out something which brings your play to a screeching halt (we’ve all been there) or (heaven forbid) you say nothing at all the whole damn time, this blog is for you. Once you get comfortable using your voice in the bedroom, you can try getting dirtier with your talking, but for now, positive affirmations are the key to great sex talk. Say it with me people - positive affirmations!
1. “You feel so good.”
Making out, fondling, penetration, oral… No matter what sex act you're enjoying, being intimate with someone and telling them how good they're making you feel can bring you closer together. As a bonus, it can also build their confidence and encourage them to keep doing what they're doing (sweet!). Unlike saying “you suck”, it’s a win-win for everybody.
2. “I want to make you cum.”
Knowing the person you're playing with wants to give you a good time and prioritise your pleasure can be such a turn on. As the giver, taking control of the situation and feeling the power and satisfaction of getting your partner off can give you a rush too.
Be careful not to say something like this too early on in your encounter. If it pops out before your lover has fully relaxed, it could make them feel pressure to reach the finish line instead of enjoying the ride.
Please note: there is a HUGE difference between “I want to make you cum” and “are you going to cum?” The former is like a teammate wanting to help you score a goal on the field whereas the latter can come off as, “hurry up and cum so we can end this.” Not good.
3. “I want you so badly.”
Ever spent so much time gearing up to dance the mattress mambo (i.e. kissing, touching, foreplaying, sexting or even just talking about it together) that you're practically breathless with anticipation? This is your line for that scenario.
Not only does it make them feel wanted, it lets them know you might be ready to move on to something different or more intense. If you were wondering if that counts as consent, it doesn’t, but a response like “shall we try this?” or “can I do xxx to you?” sure does.
4. Oh, Yes!
Here we are again with our positive affirmations - hooray! To be clear though, do not use words like hooray, yippee or woohoo while having sex with someone. You can show simple enthusiasm without behaving like you’re on a rollercoaster. Unless you have a rollercoaster fetish in which case, go for it (yes, it’s a thing).
A expletive thrown in there presumably won’t hurt anyone when you’re getting it on and an occasional “f*ck” will really get the point across that you are feeling some great sensations.
5. “What do you want me to do to you?”
If you’re not sure what your partner is into - whether you have just started having sex with them or you want to find out more about how to please them - the best way to find out is to ask. Beforehand and outside of the bedroom is always an ideal place to start but when you’re in the moment, “what do you want me to do to you?” will absolutely do the trick.
If they know what they want, they’re pretty likely to tell you but if they don’t, move on and keep doing whatever it is you’re doing. It could be the first time someone has ever asked them that and they need some time to think or they might just genuinely need some guidance. Saying, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” back and forth while you’re mid-play can be a massive mood killer in the bedroom.
6. “Right there! Keep doing that.”
If you’ve had sex before, you (hopefully) will know the moment when your partner is grinding their hips in just the right direction or their fingers have found just the right spot on your body where it feels ah-may-zing. Unfortunately, just because they have found this little pleasure point, they won’t know how it feels to you unless you tell or show them (they’re not mind readers, after all).
Some of the best sexual experiences can be when you slowly explore each other’s bodies together and you can patiently show your partner what you like. Think “this is how I like it, let me show you,” not, “here, let me do it myself.”
7. “I’m cumming!”
While it sounds kind of funny to read on a page, only good can come from announcing to your partner when you're approaching the finish line, especially if they are a new one. Why? Because if they are paying attention, they can recognise what it looks like for you and what they were doing with you when you got there. Plus, it’s hot A.F. and it removes any awkward, post-climax “did you just cum?” questions on the occasions where it’s hard to tell.
It goes without saying but please don't fake your orgasm. Nobody wins when you do that.
8. "You turn me on so much when you orgasm"
If you’re having sex with someone with a penis and they orgasm quite quickly into your playtime, the last thing you should be saying to them in that moment is, “aw, already?”
It’s important to remember that most people (particularly penis owners) will be very aware of how long they’ve lasted and will no doubt feel way worse about it than you do, especially if you both feel like you were just getting started. If you’re keen for another round, start by saying something positive like, “you turn me on so much when you cum,” - be patient, give them time to recoup and take it slow when it comes to touch and stimulation.
This handy phrase isn’t strictly for those kinds of situations, either. Who doesn’t want to be told their Big O is attractive?
9. “I’m so wet/hard.”
Again, telling your S.O. about what a rip-roaringly good time you're having while they are able to physically feel your wetness or hardness can be awesome for both of you.
If you're someone who takes a bit longer to become physically aroused, then that’s okay too. Saying things like, “I’m beginning to feel pretty turned on right now, can we keep making out and touching each other before we go any further?” are excellent ways to keep the play going slow and steady. You can, of course, add some lube or a cock ring to the equation for a bit of extra assistance or sensation if you’d like.
10. “You look so sexy right now.”
Did the cavemen whisper this lovingly to their lovers thousands of years ago? Who knows! Should they have? Definitely.
When you are naked and having sex, it’s easy to feel insecure or vulnerable, which is why giving and receiving compliments is so important during intimacy. Compliments can make us feel more comfortable, empowered and willing to let go when we’re bumping beautifuls so sprinkling them throughout your play is always a good idea.